What Is A Sober Coach?

28 Jul

Most of us have heard the terms “alcoholic” or “addict,” but what if you don’t quite fit those labels? You might still feel unhappy about the role alcohol is playing? If you’ve ever found yourself drinking more than you intended, waking up with shame or regret, and promising to cut back… only to repeat the cycle a few nights later—you might be what’s known as a grey‑area drinker.

It’s a phrase that’s gaining traction and coined by Jolene Park. Millie Mackintosh has opened up about her relationship with alcohol in her book Bad Drunk. One tool she credits for transforming her relationship with drinking? A sober coach.

So what is a sober coach, and how can they support people who aren’t “rock bottom” but still want to make a change?

Understanding Grey‑Area Drinking

Grey‑area drinkers often sit between the extremes of casual, occasional drinkers and those with alcohol dependence. They don’t need alcohol to function day-to-day, but they may:

Drink to manage stress, anxiety or social discomfort
Regularly go over limits they set for themselves
Experience regret, guilt or shame after drinking
Try moderation strategies, but find they rarely stick

Millie Mackintosh describes it perfectly:

“A grey‑area drinker is someone that’s not dependent on alcohol but they frequently drink more than they plan to and frequently regret it.”

For Millie, alcohol became a way to self-medicate anxiety, people‑please, and perform in social settings. But behind the glamour, she felt spirals of shame and increasing disconnection from herself. As she puts it in an interview:

“I didn’t feel in control. I hated the person I became when I was drunk, and I didn’t understand why I kept doing it.”

What Is a Sober Coach?

A sober coach is a professional who helps individuals change their relationship with alcohol—whether that means quitting entirely, taking a break, or cutting back. They’re not necessarily therapists, although many have training in coaching, psychology or recovery support.

Unlike formal rehab programs or 12‑step groups, a sober coach offers:

Personalised one-on-one guidance
Judgment-free support tailored to your goals
Accountability without rigid rules
Emotional exploration to uncover deeper patterns

It’s coaching for the in‑between spaces—the grey areas—where many people struggle in silence.

Millie’s Experience with a Sober Coach

Millie first began working with a sober coach in late 2022, as part of a wider therapeutic journey. While she’d tried to moderate before, she realised that her attempts were mostly about hiding how bad things had become—even from herself.

“My coach was the one who made me see how dangerous my behaviour around alcohol had become. He really helped me understand the reasons behind wanting to drink the way I was.”

Their sessions went deeper than she expected, touching on childhood, ADHD tendencies, people‑pleasing and trauma—emotional roots that were fuelling the binge-and-regret cycle. It wasn’t just about stopping drinking; it was about understanding why she was drinking in the first place.

Through that support, she made it through the first six months alcohol-free and built new sober friendships—something she credits as key to sustaining the shift.

Why a Sober Coach Might Be Right for You

If you’re sober‑curious, questioning your habits, or tired of the emotional rollercoaster of alcohol—working with a sober coach could be a powerful next step.

Here’s why:

No labels, no pressure – You don’t have to identify as an alcoholic to want change.
Deeper insight – Coaches help uncover what’s beneath the drinking: stress, identity, trauma, beliefs.
Custom strategies – Whether you’re doing a dry month or going alcohol-free long-term, you’ll build tools to suit you.
Practical accountability – It’s easier to follow through when someone’s gently guiding and cheering you on.
Community support – Many sober coaches also connect clients to wider sober networks for ongoing encouragement.

As Millie says,

“Moderating my drinking has never worked for me. So I hired a sober coach to help me through the first 6 months without alcohol—and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.”

Finding the Right Support

If you're exploring sobriety or moderation, you don’t have to go it alone. Look for sober coaches who:

Are certified or trained in grey area drinking and sober coaching
Offer a free discovery call for you to explore whether they’re a good fit
Understand grey‑area drinking (not just addiction models)
Respect your goals—whether it's to stop drinking completely or change how you drink

You might also pair coaching with therapy or group support, depending on what feels best for you.

Final Thoughts

Grey‑area drinking can feel isolating because it doesn’t look dramatic from the outside—but the internal chaos is real. The good news? You don’t have to wait for a rock bottom to make a change.

Whether you resonate with Millie Mackintosh’s story or are just beginning to question your own habits, know this: you are allowed to want more peace, clarity and self-respect—no matter how your drinking looks on the surface.

A sober coach isn’t just about quitting alcohol. It’s about coming home to yourself.